I just got back from Greece, and when I landed my brain immediately went into total chaos and stress mode. I started building a mental list of all the things I was behind on and everything that I had to do. Let the spiral commence.
Just yesterday I was floating in the mediterranean sea without a care in the world, wtf happened??? Literally the only difference is in my brain and my thoughts. Our brains prefer a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven, and apparently I am not allowed to have a peaceful vacation and also a peaceful life when I get back. It’s time to go straight back into fight or flight. You rested so much, so sorry!!! Time to overcompensate for that rest!!!!
Wait…I don’t have to do that. I don’t have to jump into complete scarcity mode all of a sudden. I don’t have to be over-productive just because I relaxed. I actually can just be as peaceful at home, on my couch, working, as I can just floating in the sea. But how can I channel that peace that I felt yesterday into my every day life today?
Vacation feels so good because we completely detach from discipline and routine. But at the same time, totally routine-free days oftentimes feel uncomfortable and produce more anxiety than ease. So we need a structured balance.
Creating Rituals & Habits That Last
The other day I got asked how I find the discipline to do things I know are good for me, but seem hard. & it made me think, why do we group things that are healthy with things that are hard and disciplined?
I find myself doing the same thing…dreading something that is supposed to make me feel good, stressing out over my long list of to-dos—But WHY are we normalizing doing things that make us miserable for the sake of “health”???? That’s just never going to last. Even if the things themselves make us feel good, the stressful process we build around doing it is stopping it from having longevity.
We need to learn how to put the joy BACK into our healthy habits, find the routines that have us cravinggg them instead of the ones that we can’t wait to get over with. Create pleasure in our daily mundane rituals.
& I think it begins with a mindset shift (doesn’t it always?). As women especially, we often don’t respond well to rigidity, restriction & rules. We are ever flowing, fluid, flexible beings. In order for something to stick, we must romanticize the things that make them feel good and make them fun instead of feeling like they are a chore to just check off the list.
Removing the Barrier to Entry
Firstly, we tend to make things harder than they need to be. We create a barrier to entry with our healthy habits that make them harder to achieve. Idk why our brains do this, self sabotage? Not sure. But in order to create longevity we need to remove that barrier to entry. Start simple.
Working out doesn’t need to be leaving your house to go to the gym when you don’t want to be around people, it can be having your mat rolled up beside your bed and doing an at home workout, or even just stretching from bed. Make it easy.
It doesn’t have to be lifting heavy weights, it can be walking through the park with a camera taking photos of things you find beautiful. It can be dancing with friends. Eating healthy doesn’t have to mean counting macros and meal prepping, it can be going to the farmers market with friends and having them all come over to get creative & cook a meal together.
We gotta stop overcomplicating it. Health is not meant to be complicated. It’s meant to be enjoyed. It’s supposed to ADD to your life!!!
Language Shift
Second mindset shift—the “I get to” vs. “I have to”. This is the most simple thought practice ever but it is truly life changing. Cultivating a sense of gratitude around your health and habits will create a positive-reinforcement loop in your brain & body.
I get to move my body today. I get to stretch and breath deeply into my lungs. I get to go outside and take in nature and sunlight. What a blessing that is. Not everyone gets the same privilege.
Creating Intentions vs. a Check-List
Something I learned years ago is to prioritize intentions over a to do list. Now, as a type-a girly, I am never giving up my to-do lists because just writing everything down on paper helps clear my mind and ground me, but this is more of a mindset shift than anything else. Creating intentions, anchor points within our days, allow us to move through life with less pressure and more presence. Instead of checking boxes just to check them, we're actually choosing how we want a moment to feel before we're in it.
A to-do list tells you what needs to get done; an intention tells you how you want to show up while you do it, and what you want to get out of it. It’s the difference between rushing through a morning coffee to get to the next task, and actually inhaling to smell the beans, creating the art, truly tasting the coffee. When the day is built around a few intentions instead of an endless list, there's room to breathe between the things you're doing and that room is where enjoyment lies.
There is always more to do, more to check off, but how do you feel when you check something off? Fulfilled? Or onto the next? My intention helps me feel like I am actually living in the present moment while working towards something, instead of just onto the next next next-ing my life away.
Rest is not a Reward
You deserve rest always, not just because you accomplished something. This is so important. One of the biggest chaos-feeders is treating rest as something you get ifffff and whennnn you do xyz. This just doesn’t work.
Intentional, present rest is not only rejuvenating but it really is productive. When you are resting, the default mode network in your brain activates. These areas of the brain are so important for igniting creativity, promoting self-reflection, problem-solving, memory and more. Being bored is integral to a healthy brain, body & mind.
Vacation Your Life
When we choose to experience new things and disrupt our every day routines, it forces our brains to become more present and get out of that autopilot state. Being present isn’t conjured through effort, but pulling attention towards the moment in front of you vs. being somewhere else mentally—and by adding new things into our everyday, we train our brains to do that.
On vacation we are constantly exploring and adventuring, eating new foods, seeing new scenery, meeting new people, trying new things, taking new roads…this adds novelty, pleasure, and excitement into our lives. But if we did those things over and over again every day, they naturally become more mundane. In order to find gratitude in the mundane again, I find that adding more “new” into my every day life helps with that.
When we practice the same exact routine every day, our brains go into autopilot mode, and when in autopilot, our conscious brain becomes free to think/wander about other things, and for me those other things happen to be unfinished tasks or stressful events, and instead of being present and focusing on what’s in front of me, I am thinking about a million other things. When we add a new small and unexpected element, it breaks our brains our of that autopilot and allows us to be more present. So adding little bits of new excitement actually helps me naturally show up present.
Slow mornings (and eventually evenings & afternoons) are something that I like to do to help myself with this. An hour in the morning, no screen, no distraction, to just do whatever I want to do. Sometimes this ends up being crawling back in bed with a book and a cup of tea. Sometimes it’s a long journal sesh. Sometimes its a deep stretch and movement, or a walk outside when it’s still quiet out. It’s different every time, but it is so incredibly nourishing. I crave these moments of silence, peace without noise. They have helped me so much with allowing myself to show up more present and find beauty within the mundane. Fall in love with life again & find pleasure in my routine.
Living presently, and resting, are not new things to add to the checklist. We need to stoppp making these things chores and tasks. It’s not a performance. It’s not another thing that we need to succeed at. It’s just simplifying everything. Doing one thing at a time. For example, walking without headphones in and without your phone. Eating without distraction. Doing less. Just living. Just being.
No one person, no one statistic, should define your version of health. It’s not black and white, what works for you may not and probably won’t work for someone else. This is why ALL health advice on the internet should be taken with a grain of salt. The person offering the advice may be speaking from a well intentioned place, but they have biases based on their environment, who they are, etc…a blanket statement can’t be made for anything (including the things I talk about here), take inspiration, what you like, and leave the rest. Kind of like how I cook, measure with your heart, add your own spices and flavor preferences. Build your own version.
To wrap it all up, I think routine is so important, but I also think we can get too rigid and lose sight of living when we’re so caught up in our routines. Allowing a little bit more freedom, slowness & flow back into my life has let me enjoy life a little more.
I value and love my routine, but only when it adds and brings joy into my life. Things ebb and flow, so instead of stressing and feeling “off track”, I accept that that is part of life. Health looks different for everyone, and you must find the routines & habits that give you energy and make you feel good. Once you find those things, you’ll notice that you look forward to them and ultimately crave them.
I am always reminding myself that health is abundance, not scarcity and restriction. It should be adding to your life, not taking away from it.
Create a routine that works for you, that you love, that makes you feel nourished, strong, free, abundant and joyful. That way you will flow to it without second thought, it won’t feel like discipline, you’ll actively choose it. It’s not a chore to overcome.
Would love to hear how you’ve incorporated this in your own lives <3
XO - Ella
Loved every bit of this 💛
Discipline is has turned into our collective detriment - we have made ritual into a “duty” to belong…rather than a devotion to ourselves.
That heavy masculine approach is damning to the feminine flow - the balance comes when you forgive the aspect that is trying to be “good” to belong - and realize your belonging is unwavering & deeply enriched in your capacity to evolve 🫁🕊️🪄🌊❤️🩹